they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
