Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
