Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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