Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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