I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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