you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just high enough for therapy.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Damn victory sex feels great
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
