I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
