no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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