I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
