her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
