Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
