id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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