heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize