You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
