We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
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