CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
