do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
