I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So here I am, sexting at work.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
