You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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