Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
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It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he just fucked me for my cheese.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
