did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
