It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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