i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
