Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
