'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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