she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
