if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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