I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
