Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
