I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
