youre lurking in front of me
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
