Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
