Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
COCAINE IS GR8
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
