how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
