Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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