Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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