my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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