apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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