you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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