dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
