Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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