No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
