I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
