he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
