It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Semen is not good for contacts.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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