update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
