Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
