i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
