Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The uberlube is also flammable
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
