I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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