Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
