i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
