I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
