You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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