The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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